Living Love through The Practice of STORY

During January, we are considering how to live love more deeply through The Practice of STORY.

"The ability to tell a new story has been at the center of our faith from the beginning," according to our friends at the Soul Matters Sharing Circle. Believing that "human beings are authors of their stories, not passive characters in them" is central to the birth of Unitarian Universalism. Rather than subscribing to the predestination beliefs that were prevalent at the time our faith was founded, our forebears spoke out against the notion that we are driven by fate, instead suggesting that each of us has the freedom to write our own story.

The question of fate vs. freedom leads us to some important questions:

Are we the authors of our own stories, or are we acting out others' scripts?

And if we've lost control of our own storyline, how do we reclaim it?

One way to answer such questions is to embrace the parts of our stories that are already quite excellent. Although the beginning of a New Year often gives rise to a set of resolutions designed to improve our lives, a spiritual exercise in this month's Ministry Guide suggests we instead make a "reverse bucket list" of the amazing things we've already done, thereby helping us appreciate and be grateful for our stories just the way they already are. Leaning in on five questions can serve as a guide:

1. What have you done that's interesting or different?

2. What have you gotten "right" with your relationships?

3. What do you feel especially proud about?

4. How have you "shown up" for someone, either yourself or someone else?

5. What "hard" thing did you overcome?

Another intriguing spiritual exercise this month centers upon a poem called Where I'm From, written by George Ella Lyon. The author includes brief phrases that describe her personal story – where she's from and the experiences she has been through that have made her who she is today. Writers, students, and religious groups have used the format of this poem to write their own statements of "Where I'm From," and perhaps you may want to do that this month. The challenge being suggested, however, is that you choose someone who knows you well and ask them to write that poem about you, but from their perspective. How does the story we tell about ourselves change depending upon who is telling the story?

Sometimes we deceive ourselves by inventing new stories or reinventing old ones, because we think those changes will be more acceptable than reality. But no one's true story is perfect. "My story is not a pleasant one," wrote famed novelist and poet Herman Hesse. "[I]t is neither sweet nor harmonious, as invented stories are; it has the taste of nonsense and chaos, of madness and dreams – like the lives of all who stop deceiving themselves."

Author Brené Brown reminds us how important it is to be truthful about our personal stories. "When we deny our stories and disengage from rough emotions, they don't go away," she writes. "[I]instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending."

Poet Joy Harjo suggests a method by which we can address and resolve the stories we don't like about ourselves. "[W]e do not need to carry a story that is unbearable," she writes. "We can:

• observe the story, which is mental;

• feel the story, which is physical;

• let the story go, which is emotional;

• then forgive the story, which is spiritual."

These steps are a powerful recipe for getting past a difficult story.

Not only does story play a role in our personal lives, but it is also central to the social and cultural issues of our society. Just think about the stories we apply to the struggles for economic and racial justice in our country. Is the income gap "inevitable" because we have no control over complex global dynamics? Do we just buy into the story that our country's racial problems are "too deeply entrenched," or perhaps minimize them, because, after all, "we've come so far"? The possibility of change through action is undermined when we buy into such paralyzing stories and believe we lack the power to write new ones.

What does it take to write a new story that addresses our society's social and cultural challenges? Social activist Adrienne Maree Brown writes from her own experience as an organizer. "[A]nyone who's organized for any period of time knows, if we don't have a story that people can see themselves a part of…people are not going to radically change." Making sure people can see themselves as being part of a new and more positive story is a critical aspect of restoring our country to the democratic principles at its foundation.

So what is your story, and how will you live love more deeply this year by owning it, adding to it, or creating a new one? This month, let's tune in to the power inherent to The Practice of STORY, and use it to not only improve our own lives, but also bravely take action to make a positive difference in the world around us.

"...[O]wning our story and loving ourselves through that process

is the bravest thing that we will ever do."

– Brené Brown

Seeking more inspiration and wisdom about The Practice of STORY? Check out this month’s Soul Matters Overview and the complete ministry guide.