Living Love through The Practice of TRUST

Engaging in The Practice of TRUST, our congregational theme for the month of March, is something Unitarian Universalists have in common with many other religious traditions. We UUs put our trust in "a Love that will not let us go," while our Christian friends emphasize that "God is watching over us." The Jewish story of the Exodus is about God delivering his people in their darkest hour. Muslim prayer reminds its practitioners they are in "Allah's safe hands." All of these interpretations help restore our faith in life as a friend that will pick us up if we falter.

We trust that life will help us when we need it, but we also trust that life will push us to action, not letting us get too comfortable. In a 1967 speech to the American Psychological Association, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King called for "creative maladjustment." “There are some things in our society…to which we should never be adjusted," said King. "We must never adjust ourselves to economic conditions that take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few…."

In addition to life picking us up and life pushing us to action, the Soul Matters Sharing Circle suggests there is a third important aspect of trust: when we lose faith and grow weary, we know we can rest and put the work down, trusting that others will pick it up. "[W]e all experience a loss of faith in our own way," says Soul Matters. "The trust you need to repair is likely different from mine…[b]ut we both long for…safe space…to say how much our experience of broken trust hurts."

But where do we find that safe space? Maya Angelou offers some good advice. "I don't trust people who don't love themselves," she asserts. "You cannot love a person if you don't love yourself…. There is an African saying…: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

To be considered trustworthy, Angelou suggests, one must love oneself. But are trust and love the same? Trust is built through experiences that tell us we can rely on someone because they are consistent, dependable, and accountable. Love is about a strong, emotional attachment. Although a healthy love relationship is built upon trust, it's possible to love someone without being able to trust them. Similarly, one can trust someone – your financial advisor, for example – without loving them.

So how do we determine who we can trust with our tender hearts? Writer, activist, and facilitator adrienne maree brown suggests you can "trust the people who...

move towards you and already feel like home…

revel in pleasure after hard work

see and hold your heart

listen to the whales."

And philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche offers a warning: "Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful."

Trusting others, especially in close relationships, inevitably involves some degree of risk. "[T]rust isn't a promise to never hurt each other," writes psychotherapist and author Esther Perel. "It's acceptance of the risk that we will hurt each other and the confidence that, if we do, we will come together to heal."

Many philosophers remind us that the most important aspect of trust is learning to trust ourselves. Nepalese poet and writer Santosh Kalwar tells us, "Trust yourself, you will start to trust others." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe has similar wisdom to share: "As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." 

Facing life's challenges requires a great deal of self-trust, but overcoming our fears and believing in ourselves can be challenging. In one of the Spiritual Exercises contained in this month's Ministry Guide, Soul Matters suggests we "tip-toe" toward trusting ourselves, taking baby steps rather than giant leaps. You can challenge yourself by first identifying one of your prominent fears, and then building your I-believe-in-myself muscle by finding one small, manageable way to face that fear. If, for example, public speaking is scary for you, perhaps you can volunteer to teach an RE class rather than signing up to deliver a lay sermon. Do you avoid Connections Hour because you're plagued by social anxiety? A good way to overcome that fear might be to start a one-on-one conversation with another congregant whom you do not yet know.

Learning to trust ourselves and each other can seem like a daunting task, but it is clearly an important and worthwhile endeavor.

Trust in trust.

Trust in the fact that

trusting won't always take you

where you want to go.

But not trusting

never will.

  – Jeremy Lent

Seeking more inspiration and wisdom about The Practice of TRUST? Check out this month’s Soul Matters Overview and the complete Ministry Guide.